For He Has Delusions of Adequacy
by Sorceress-rin
Summary: It has been weeks since Lancelot has left on his journey to become a better person, but Merlin is still left trying to deal with the dreams inspired by his presence. Merlin/Arthur
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey all, this is my first posting so If I do anything horribly, horribly wrong just trust that I am trying to learn. Mostly I was a little bored and decided I wanted to write a bit about the struggles of Merlin, floundering around after Arthur. I apologise if it isn't any good. If you do find it amusing feel free to request me to continue and I promise to do my best. *salutes*

Disclaimer: Merlin and all characters do not belong to me, they are the puppets of the BBC.

* * *

"Gaius, Gaius, this is important! If I can't sleep then I can't perform my duties." Merlin announced, rounding one of the wooden workbenches to meet his guardian's stare. The older man snorted, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

"Oh, and I suppose the kingdom would surely fail if you didn't get enough sleep to perform important tasks like mucking out the stables." Merlin sighed. The older man just didn't understand, couldn't understand. He was not a child trying to hide from his nightmares, no, his dreams were far worse than a few monsters hiding under his bed.

"What harm could a simple tonic do? I will even collect the ingredients. I already know you've been making them for Morgana for years." It was a pitiful last attempt to change Gaius' mind but Merlin already knew it wouldn't work. The older physician was far too stubborn, no matter how much he cared for the son of his old friend.

"Life is not so simple, Merlin, not everything should be so easily solved by tonics... or even magic. Now, if you would just tell me about the nature of these dreams I'm sure I could decide the appropriate mode of action." Gaius hadn't even finished speaking when Merlin began shaking his head furiously. He would tell no one, not even his most trusted friend.

The dreams in question had begun only a couple of weeks previously. He had been standing drinking with Gwen while they celebrated the knighting of the, then, Sir Lancelot. Lancelot and Arthur had stood drinking near the centre of the room and a more handsome pair no one had ever seen. At first he had just been teasing Gwen; trying to get her to laugh. It was he who brought up the question of whether Arthur was more handsome than Lancelot.

Then the dreams had begun. At first they were normal except for the inclusion of a strange feeling of burning heat and excitement at the appearance of one or both of the men in question. But they grew worse to the point where last night he had dreamt of kissing the disbanded knight, only to be pulled away and ravished by Arthur.

"Royal prat." Merlin whispered under his breath, earning a questioning glance from Gaius. The wise physician may have asked for an explanation if they were not interrupted by the echo of footsteps running up the stairwell to the door. The knock on the door caused Merlin to glance back at his guardian nervously.

"Merlin, hurry up! I swear my father could not have found a more incompetent servant if he had the time to search all of Camelot." The blonde swore whilst stepping passed the door eagerly. Merlin bit his tongue to keep from lashing back that it was all Arthur's fault if he was tired to the point of incompetence.

"I apologise, I didn't realise you were in need of my services today." Merlin replied with as much fake sincerity as he could offer. Not that Arthur would buy it. The royal prince always required his manservant on hand, whether it was to fill up his royal wineglass or to assist in putting on his royal breeches. If nothing else Merlin's job was just to stay by his side and be miserable and, in doing so, brighten up the prince's day just a little bit.

"Right. Well I have given the rest of my guards the day off today so that we might go hunting." Merlin rolled his eyes. Arthur enjoyed hunting far too much, if precedent was anything to go by he would spend all day exploring the forests that bordered Camelot. Leaving his humble slave to trudge along after him, carrying all his gear and being growled at every time he tripped on some loose tree root or rock.

With one last pleading look to Gaius, he stood ready to follow at the heels of the prince. The day seemed already to be promising bucket loads of disaster but at least he would walk right into it bravely.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I tried to make this one a little longer than the last and it even almost has some semblance of plot *huzzah*. Anyway, many thanks to my friend Aisling_the_dreamer who became inspire to go over ever word with a fine tooth comb in her hunt for grammatical errors ^.^

Disclaimer: Merlin and all characters do not belong to me, they are the puppets of the BBC.

* * *

They had been hunting for what seemed like hours, if it weren't for Arthur's freakish habit of waking up far too early Merlin was sure they would've been wandering passed sundown. Worse than that was the fact that Arthur actually seemed to be having limited success this time, managing to shoot down a collection of small pheasants for Merlin to bag and then carry along after him. The blonde's smugness was beginning to be too much.

"Well, Merlin, the day is waning and we should be getting back soon, my father is expecting me at the banquet tonight and I need to change clothes." Surprisingly Merlin couldn't even muster a smile at the thought of the dreaded hunting trip being over. His spirit was broken, he mused at the empty feeling that came with having to put up with the prattling blonde royal.

"Merlin, what is taking you so long! Merlin!" Merlin looked up just in time to notice that he was going to trip over a fallen tree branch. It was too late, the resounding snap seemed to reverberate in the air for a moment while Merlin fell face forward toward the creek.

A hand clasped onto his shoulder before he landed on the ground in a tumbling heap, crashing on top of his prince.

"Merlin you dolt, watch where you're going!" Arthur ranted as the young warlock took stock of the situation. He had missed falling into the creek but only because Arthur had managed to pull him back in time. Instead he half sat on his prince's lap, watching the rise and fall of his well-toned, shirt-covered chest."Are you even listening to me? Geez, for someone so skinny you weigh a tonne."

"Ah, right, sorry, I just- I-I wasn't watching where I was going." Merlin stuttered, clambering onto his feet shakily. This was awful, he had not only managed to once again prove that he was a total idiot but now he was hallucinating about the stupid muscle brained prince. That must've been it, hallucinations, for some reason he was hallucinating that Arthur was a woman, or that he was a woman. No, there was no way that could be true. He would've hit his head pretty damn hard before his mind convinced him of something that outlandish.

He let out a pained groan. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that Arthur was now getting up, staring at him strangely.

"You know Merlin, why don't you just put everything away when we get back and then we'll be done for the day." Arthur said, watching his manservant carefully. The raven haired young man had been acting strange recently and this wasn't the first time he had been tempted to shake him, demanding answers.

"Yeah, okay, are you sure?" Merlin started to babble but Arthur silenced him with a glare.

* * *

Merlin had only just arrived back at his room when Gaius appeared at the door requesting that he take a new remedy to the Lady Morgana.

He was feeling a little sluggish when he made it to the Lady's rooms. It was almost to be expected that he would receive no answer when he knocked on the door, no one ever answered in this castle. Without a second thought he pushed open the door and stepped inside.

"Oh, Merlin, I'm sorry, I thought you were the messenger for Lady Morgana." Gwen looked up from a wooden stool near the doorway, trying not to meet his eyes. "I, uh, didn't think you would be out for the rest of the day and-"

"Gwen! What are you talking about?" Merlin asked, her fidgeting was starting to make him nervous.

"I heard Arthur and Lady Morgana talking earlier. Talking about you." She gave him a pointed look as if he was supposed to know why his name would come up in an argument between them. It wasn't as if he had done anything particularly bad of late. Not that he could recall anyway. In fact life seemed to have been progressing with less havoc than usual, with the exception of his incessant dreams of course.

However, instead of explaining this all with words he chose just to stand there with his normal blank expression until she caved in and decided to tell him what the hell was going on.

"Look, I don't know what is going on with you any more than the others but- that is- we think that perhaps you've been pining." Her voice picked up at the end as if she were asking him a question.

"Pining?" Merlin felt his jaw drop.

"Yes, since Lancelot left everyone has noticed you have been a bit... out of sorts." Merlin didn't know what to say, he let out a half strangled laugh that sounded like he was choking on air. He missed Lancelot, that much was true, but he didn't pine, women pined! Besides why would he miss Lancelot, handsome, friendly Lancelot who haunted his dreams, when... Oh hell.

"Look, I know what it looks like Gwen but trust me, I am not pining for Lancelot. I mean yeah he is good looking for a man but so are a lot of other, uh, people, right?" Gwen smiled weakly, almost as weak as his argument. But it was true, he was sure of it, if he were going to fall for anyone it would at least be-

"Okay, well you be sure to let them know that okay. I am not in love with Lancelot and they have nothing to worry about." Gwen stood up to stand by Merlin at the door.

"Merlin, it's okay, I believe you. But you really had Arthur worried, you've been acting so strangely." She paused for a minute to meet his eyes. "Are you feeling alright? You look so pale all of a sudden."

The young warlock nodded, putting the vial Gaius had given him on the nearest table he could find in the room. "I'm just a bit tired, went hunting this morning, very vigorous." Gwen gave him a sceptical look before turning to look back at the door.

"Well, I need to go, my father is expecting me, but please take some time to sit down. There is a jug of water on the table under the mirror." She commented, promptly turning on her heels and leaving the room.

Merlin sighed in relief. Honestly, pining? What did Arthur and Morgana think of him if they considered it possible for him to become love-struck by some- by some guy! No wonder that hadn't approached him about this, it was ludicrous. He turned and spotted the aforementioned jug of water.

Walking towards it he couldn't help but spot his own reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall above it. He didn't have the strong features like either of Arthur or Lancelot by any stretch of the imagination. His head was too slim and his ears too big.

Nimbly he picked up the closest piece of material he could find, which was a long headscarf of lavender chiffon. If his hair was longer perhaps it would disguise his large ears. If he were a girl then at least he could find something to cover them up, he thought as he wrapped the material around his head, knotting it around the back. No, he still didn't look anything like the Lady Morgana... or any other woman he knew for that matter.

And he knew exactly what the problem was; he didn't have any make-up.

* * *

Merlin stepped back a little further from the mirror so that he could examine the dress in almost its full length. His body wasn't round and shapely like most of the women that lived and served in the castle. Instead he was tall and skinny, leaving the dress to hang from his shoulders like a colourful, well made sack. Still, the shade of lipstick he had found lying beside the tall dresser did bring out the colour in his eyes. In his reflection he could see a goofy grin spread across his face and couldn't resist winking at himself and watching the gangly young girl in the mirror wink back at him flirtatiously.


End file.
